i feel like writing tonight. so this gambling's feeling has gone. not by itself, actually i pushed it. it's so fine.
my ego, my imaginations, really brought me into the world i don't know. i really was a stranger there, it was cold and scary. instead i worried. it was so dark. and it will never be my world. never.
then what's my exit? just smile. the only power of mine, even if sometimes it's just fake, but yes, smile could heal everything. especially my emotions, my worries, and i feel no more afraid after that. it's magic :)
i decided to be a loser again here. after having such a long-and unfinished conversation with my grandpa, i choose to give my resign's letter to my boss. he was right. i'm just pushing my body and brain to do something i don't really need. money. he doesn't want me to collect some money as my own if it could make me get so much boring in college. once again, i accept it and it's actually right.
then what else? love. again and again i was just smiling outside, and tiring inside. i have three love's letters which   so much need answers asap. my heart keeps in silence. and i do silent. i have no idea to answer it. i mean it. been taken in a relationship really draws a traumatic in me. so i hate to be falling in love, then do this, do that, lalala, then what? brokenhearted. old song. always like that. and i don't wanna be a part of those kinda stories anymore. it's enough already.
so, i choose to think hardly about it, then i will make my own decision later *when i'm so much ready to make it.
my life begins just now. i am lovely and i am loved. it has to be true. second path was i have to smile whatever the situation is. the more important thing is how to make my life cheerful.

"when life gives you thousand reasons to cry, then show that you have millions reasons to smile"

i'm sure everyone ever heard this or maybe read this somewhere. and it's true. 
i have a power, and the power is smile. my smile brings happiness in everywhere i go. it accompanies me wherever i walk. it makes a sign that my life is full of blessings, no doubt, just let problems flow. 
i thank GOD for anything He's given to me. for families, friends, colleges, works, talents, money, and the most risky thing : love

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